Violin Jokes

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

 

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A fiddle is fun to listen to.

 

Why are viola jokes so short?

So violinists can understand them.

 

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

 

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They can't get up that high!

 

String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."

 

Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?

Both are offensive and inaccurate.

 

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

 

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?

Violins don't have spit valves.

 

Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?

You might bend the nail.

 

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?" 

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

 

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"